went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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