the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
