So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
