He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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