Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
