epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
