Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
