i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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