So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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