I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
