A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
