I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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