so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
