Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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