I accidentally burped into my bong.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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