Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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