There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
