I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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