So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize