We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize