why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
