Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
