im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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