$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Boobs speak an international language.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
