I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
