Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
