no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
