Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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