I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So many bounce houses so little time
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize