Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
