The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
