I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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