dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The adults are the big ones right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
