Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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