Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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