I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
barbara walters just said penis...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize