Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
