my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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