we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
