I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
