It's like a parade of train wrecks.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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