Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
