i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize