One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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