We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
