i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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