I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize