i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
