just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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