Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
