would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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