I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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