I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
