Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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