its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
