Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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