you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
