I didn't shave. On purpose
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
