her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
