My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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