She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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