I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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