You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
