She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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