Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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