Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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