So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
