I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
