apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
