Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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