We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
