i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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